My dream recall is vivid and detailed. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had nightmares so intense that they carry over into my waking life.
I drift through the days, counting. I count the hours until the next meal, class or nap. I count the days until the next trip to town, the weeks until I am home, the months until I turn twenty-one, the money in my wallet, the crackers left in my room. How much longer until something else happens?
If I was home without a parent, I knew to answer the phone and say mom is in the shower or that dad is mowing the lawn. I knew to not open the door if anyone came knocking. I didn’t know I needed the same cautious self-protection when I logged on.
“Are you drinking again?” I said it. It was out. The question was with me only as long as I said it. I was trying to be casually supportive.
Do you remember the time machine? I wish I knew how to work it. I’d go get you if I did, but you were the captain and I never learned the controls.
The symbolism that saturates daily rituals in the nunnery may be religiously profound, but they are also just ordinary experiences to the people who live there.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number. The numbers listed here are the commonly used numbers for the stated region, the numbers can vary greatly depending on where you live. If you don't know your country's equivalent to 911, this wiki page and The Lifeline Foundation have comprehensive listings.
911
The Americas
112
Europe
112 & 999
Africa
112, 999, 110
Asia
112, 911, 999, 111, & 000
Oceania
Find help for a crisis by texting, calling, or chatting online with these free crisis organizations. Looking for one outside of the USA? Check out our support listings.
Crisis Text Line
Text: “HOME” to 741741
Suicide Lifeline
Text: “ANSWER” to 839863
Call: 1-800-273-8255
Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-422-4453
The Trevor Project
Text “START” to 678678
1-866-488-7386
These online and international resources may help you anywhere you are located. Looking for local support outside of the USA? Check out our support listings.
DV Support Abroad
Call toll-free worldwide
1-833-723-3833
I'm Alive Virtual Crisis Center
Live chat with trained volunteers
Crisis Connections
24/7 crisis support with interpretation in 155+ languages